I’ve been trying to piece together this blog this morning, but much like the last blog it may end up being somewhat of a stream of consciousness blog. So bear with my thoughts and hopefully they are coherent.
As I’ve come out and as I’ve mentally transitioned and as I’ve transitioned to living as the real me this year, some things that I do and ways I act have changed. When I look at it, I see it as me taking off the old mask and act that I had built up over the years. It was something I had to build up so I was not outed. I knew what to do to be seen as a guy.
So, as I’ve embraced authenticity in my transition, I find myself stepping back to make sure that I am not simply building up a new facade based on what society has told me about being a woman. While it is impossible to separate yourself from social pressure, I believe it is important to step back and examine your life often. I don’t want to dress or act a certain way just because thats what I am told, I want to do it because it is who I am and how I feel most comfortable.
I do believe that is what I am doing at this point. I am not transitioning into another facade, rather I am transitioning into authenticity. I am embracing the real me.
It is so nice to finally feel somewhat comfortable in my own skin. It is nice to be perceived by others as the woman I’ve always known internally that I was. There are adjustments that I have to make mentally- getting used to things that cisgender women grew up with- like the male gaze or having fashions that show way more skin then I ever did growing up. But my mind is so much more at peace now that I have transitioned into authenticity.
Anywhoo- thats my reflections for this Monday…hope any of it made sense to you. I’m off to go watch the new Taylor Swift video again.